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[Shame About Ray]

Aug 13th, 2008 - Olympics

I Love and Hate the Olympics Because...

Taking in the 16 days that compromise the Olympics takes a lot of effort, because between the incredible highs, there are many almost unbearable lows - and numerous, "what the hell am I watching?" moments...

I love the Olympics because I know someone on the national field hockey team meaning I had to stay up until three to watch the game.

I hate the Olympics because he never got into the game, they lost - and I am sleepy.

I love the Olympics because watching the women perform in gymnastics makes me realize just how amazing the human body is.

I hate the Olympics because some of those amazing bodies are only 16 years-old, which pretty much makes me a pervert.

I love the Olympics because Michael Phelps sure looks like he is the greatest Olympic athlete in history - and over the next few days we get to see him prove whether he is - or he isn't.

I hate the Olympics because there are over ten thousand athletes competing, but for the first few days anyway, the only one that matters to NBC is Michael Phelps. (However, 81 million viewers tuning in Sunday night to watch him gives them a very serious excuse.)

I love the Olympics because white water canoeing and kayaking may be the coolest sport to watch - ever.

I hate the Olympics because building the course for white water canoeing and kayaking, where 500 athletes from only 47 country's competed, cost over $100-million to build, and will now sit virtually unused and useless, forever.

I love the Olympics because the amazing opening ceremonies featured 35,000 shells of gunpowder in that unbelievable fireworks display.

I hate the Olympics because 35,000 shells of gunpowder were used for fireworks in one of the most polluted city's in the world - and so concerned over appearances, China decided to computer generate some of them just in case they didn't look good on TV.

I love the Olympics because seeing the regular Beijing folk so proud of their athletes and country makes you realize that, despite all its faults, China can't be all bad.

I hate the Olympics because China decided the girl who actually sang their national anthem, "Ode to the Motherland," in the opening ceremonies wasn't cute enough for the international audience, so they swapped her for a more attractive lip-synching kid with the excuse, "The audience will understand that it's in the national interest."

I love the Olympics because, by far the hardest hitting, most intelligent interview I have ever seen George W. Bush have to face was delivered by a sports guy, Bob Costas. In case you missed it, Bush revealed that he doesn't "see America having problems." Which pretty much is the problem.

I hate the Olympics because instead of using the Olympic opportunity to lambaste China on their human rights violations and to confront Russian PM Putin on Georgia, the aforementioned most powerful man on the planet instead held up his own flag backwards, practiced non-terrorist ball bumps with the women's beach volleyball team and huddled with the U.S. men's basketball team.

I love the Olympics because in that presidential huddle, when LeBron James was introduced to George Bush Sr., the 41st President of the United States, he said, "What's up, Pops?"

I hate the Olympics because after watching a heart wrenching mini-documentary on a former gold medal winning fencer making her comeback at the age of 50 to prove the meaning of the word "courage" to her kids, she got knocked out in her first match.

I love the Olympics because it proves my pride in country when I get into a screaming match with my TV over botched men's floor exercise judging in Artistic Gymnastics.

I hate the Olympics because living legends Nadia Comaneci and Mark Spitz are endorsing Botox.

I love the Olympics because, for the first time for the games, I have a DVR and don't have to watch $1-billion worth of commercials.

I hate the Olympics because my wife loves the commercials and makes me watch them anyway.

And finally...

I love the Olympics because, I only have to give a crap about these silly sports once every four years.

Cheers - Gavin McDougald - AKA Couch

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