Oct 14th, 2008 – Dissing-Parity
The Tennessee Titans are now the top ranked team in the NFL – and they attained that lofty status by taking the week off.
Welcome to the National Floccinaucinihilipilification League.
Floccinau-what? With 29 letters and 12 syllables, “floccinaucinihilipilification” is the longest non-technical word in the English dictionary and it is defined as “the act of describing something as worthless, or making something to be worthless by depreciation.”
Okay – that’s a lot of letters to describe how things currently stand in the league, but it’s also a killer word you can now use to impress your friends or your boss. So if you can actually pronounce it – you’re welcome.
Once upon a time, like the beginning of last month, there were a handful of franchises we could all hang our weekly wagering hats on. There were the squads that were looking like they might be aspiring to take the next step and consistently dominate their opponents.
Where are those elite teams now? What happened to the dynasties?
Like most folk’s 401(k), we’ve seen a steady depreciation across the board where we’re left with the most sought after yet sickening nouns in all of sports, and that is “parity”.
On any given Sunday, or Monday night, quite literally any team* can win.
The NFL loves the p-word because it is a testament to their “everyone is equal” revenue sharing model that keeps small market teams like the Green Bay Packers and those titanic Titans competitive.
Parity is what every other major professional sports league strives for yet never can seem to attain, because their systems still favor the best funded. The NBA is creeping very close. The NHL is leaning that way with their new salary cap. Major League Baseball and NASCAR remain the lone tribute to pure capitalism were usually, but not always, the richest teams win.
Not in the NFL.
Rich has nothing to do with winning – and supposedly superior talent doesn’t have much to do with it either. This past weekend, the vaunted Washington Redskins lost to previously winless St. Louis. The Cowboys gave it up to Arizona and then there was the final match-up, the virtual lock game of week six: The undefeated Super Bowl champion Giants taking on the 1-3 Cleveland Browns.
Going in the Browns, who hadn’t won on a Monday night since 1993, were supposedly in disarray with talk of quarterback changes and the benching of offensive key Jamal Lewis.
A blowout was expected, and delivered. It was just by the wrong team – the Browns.
Eli Manning appeared to be channeling his former self, throwing three interceptions. By the games end, Browns fans were chanting, “Over-rated”.
That is the way of things in what is supposed to be the greatest league in sports these days. It is overrated because there are no actual “great” teams as of right now.
There are just thirty* teams who are pretty much equal. The result? For fans of the individual teams, each game, regardless of the opponent could turn out to be a win. For those of us who love the NFL for another, more lucrative reason, there is no longer such thing as a “safe bet.”
It can be argued that the proverbial “safe bet” is the reason the NFL has thrived over the years. Sure, there has been parity to a certain degree for decades now; however, there were always at least a couple of teams who could be trusted to win much more than they lost.
Not in today’s diminished playing field.
What it is is frikin’ floccinaucinihilipilification.
And you know that is not a good thing.
Cheers – Gavin McDougald – AKA Couch
* Sorry Lions and Bengals fans – but Detroit and Cincinnati simply don’t qualify as “teams” thus far this season.
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